An open letter to the Market 32 cashiers for the following comments made about my crying 8-month-old

My day had already gotten off to a rocky start as my youngest son, who’s eight months old, was working on a second tooth coming through and was having trouble sleeping. But, oddly enough, that did not mean my routine for the day could stop as I was in dire need of some groceries. Shockingly I decided to take my kids with me (note the sarcasm) and hoped that the car ride would lull the baby to sleep and hopefully that would continue as I shopped.

Lucky for me, my oldest son loves to help me in the grocery store and was helping me pick out foods and becoming excited when I chose something that he liked. However about halfway through this trip, the baby woke up and his awakening was in no shape or form, subtle. He began to cry at quite a loud decibel intermittently, but I hoped that my toddler, being the best big brother and trying to make him laugh, plus the rocking of the shopping cart, would ease some of the crying while I tried to collect the rest of my groceries.

Before I even hit the register, several customers made comments about the crying, with one woman actually stopping to tell me that he was “probably hungry” and I should feed him because “she knew that cry.” I forced a smile and told her no, he was just teething and tried to walk away before the annoyance on my face translated into an impatient retort.

Despite mine and my oldest son’s attempts, he continued to cry and I knew he was uncomfortable, but I finally finished and headed towards checkout. I picked a line with no one in it, however the cashier did not seem to realize I was standing there. I began to place my items on the conveyor belt when I heard the exchange between the workers:

“Can someone shut that baby up?”

“I can hear it throughout the store.”

“Oh, it hasn’t stopped, I can’t take it…”

I felt sick to my stomach and the pounding in my ears muffled whatever other nasty things were being said as I knew they were talking about my son. Not only was I already frazzled by just trying to finish my shopping, but these workers clearly did not realize that the crying baby that was so obviously ruining their day was right next to them.

I stared at the woman who’s line I was in and she turned to me and stared blankly, “Oh, I’m sorry, is that your baby?”

I continued to unload my groceries. “Yes, that’s my baby crying.”

 “Oh. She paused. “My bad.”

Your bad? Whether or not you knew how much I’d heard of your flippant conversation, you can’t even feign ignorance or fake an apology? As I continued to go through the motions of unloading my cart while trying not to vomit, at one point, the cashier stopped what she was doing and came over to my cart. She started in with the stereotypical goo-goo ga-ga baby talk and even at one point tried to put her hands on my son.

I placed my hand in front of him and said, “No thank you, he’s teething and that’s why he’s crying. Please leave him alone.” The damage had already been done and I knew this was a very obvious ploy to get me to forget what I’d heard but placing your hands on a baby you don’t know should never be an option.

Parents are probably reading through this wondering why my response was not more animated or aggressive to the way I was being treated. And I’ll tell you why. It took my looking up and seeing my other son’s face to know, now was not the time to channel a Beth Dutton or Georgia Miller. My oldest is at an age where he soaks in every word, every facial expression, and I knew that if I let my anger speak, he would be the one to suffer the repercussions, not the people who were breaking my heart and raising my blood pressure.

In that moment and on that drive home, I felt defeated. Defeated as a mother, as a parent, as a person, and I felt that I’d failed my son. Not just because he was crying, but because I was not sure if my limited response was how I should have defended him. It is a truly helpless feeling to think that you’ve failed your child and while I felt that at the time, I do not feel that now.

Because I want to say thank you.

Thank you to the ignorant and nasty cashiers who spent their time making harsh comments about a baby, who can’t defend himself, and making me feel horrible as a mother, because his crying assailed your ears for fifteen minutes.

You taught me that I do have patience and self-control when it comes to my children.

You taught me that I’ve made the right choices when it comes to opening my own practice and treating people the way they deserve to be treated, rather than subject them to people like yourselves.

You’ve shown me that yes, the world continues to be rude and dismissive of mothers and children and so I should fight even harder to make a difference for them.

While you may have made me briefly shed a tear, I went home, hugged my kids and told myself that my time would come. I would pause, reflect, and think of an appropriate response that would not lower me to the level you find yourselves in commenting in that manner about a baby.

I could not fathom ever hearing a baby crying (even before I had children) and thinking to myself, I should make a condescending comment to a total stranger and make them feel inferior, not only as a parent, but as a person. Clearly, these cashiers did not understand the sarcasm that is clearly dripping from that statement.

Thank you again for showing me that there is a time and a place for a strong response to disgusting remarks such as these, but standing in that line, in front of my kids, was not it. I hope that other parents have not and will not have an experience similar to mine. But know this, I do not tolerate this type of behavior towards any child and will make sure to make enough of a mark on this world that soon these instances become few and far between.

Thank you,

Victoria McMullen